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Family Series (1) – “Asking Questions to the Parents First”

글쓴이 : 관리자 날짜 : 2014-05-06 (화) 22:11 조회 : 1473
Rev._Jang\'s_Sermon_05-04-2014.pdf (162.2K), Down : 4, 2014-05-06 22:11:10
설교일 : 2014.05.04.
설교자 : Rev. Jang
본문말씀 : 2 Samuel 13:23~33

May 4, 2014


Family Series (1) – “Asking Questions to the Parents First”

2 Samuel 13:23-33


Rev. Chan Young Jang’s Sermon at KUMC of Metro Detroit



Today is the first Sunday of May, and traditionally the month of May is called ‘the Family Month’. In Korean churches they celebrate the Children’s Day on the first Sunday and the Parents’ Day the next Sunday, while in U.S. we celebrate the Mothers’ Day on the second Sunday. As the family is so important in our lives, all the churches want to emphasize its importance soon after celebrating the Easter. Accordingly, I want to talk about our family as a series, starting today.


First, I want to ask some questions to the parents now, and I will be sharing with you some questions for the children next week. We all know the term, “Like father, like son”, and it isn’t always used as a compliment, and rarely fathers and sons are completely free from each other. The case of King David and his son Absalom is a prime example.


As you all are aware, David was a man of God, and an excellent person, so we envy him and want to emulate him, but we also know that he was not a hero to all. He was not a good father in his family, no matter how great a king he may have been.


In today’s Bible passage, David is besieged with problems in his life. His biggest problem was his having too many wives, though some men may disagree with me on this. But most of you look concerned and worried, “I am having problem with one wife, how could he manage with so many?” His first wife was Michal, King Saul’s daughter, but produced no children, and his oldest son Amnon is by Ahinoam. The second son Kileab is by Abigail, and the third son and the future coup d’etat leader Absalom is by Maacah, the fourth son Adonijah was by Haggith, the fifth son Shephatiah was by Abital, the sixth son Ithream was by Eglah, and all these sons were born to David while he was in Hebron. After he moved from Hebron to Jerusalem, he acquired many more wives and subsequently many more sons including Solomon, as well as many more daughters were born to him.


Here we are very confused. Why did David have so many wives? We cannot reconcile this image of David surrounded by so many wives as the ideal husband in the Bible. Then why did he acquire them?


There were two big reasons. The first one was for ‘political reasons’. He wanted to have secure relations with neighboring countries by marrying their princesses. The second one was because he had an ‘unrealistic view about marriage’. All through his early life while fleeing from Saul, he harbored these emotions of instability and lack of deserving recognition, so even after he became the king, he still carried this sense of insecurity and emptiness about life.


For any reason, having so many wives, sons and daughters caused big problems for David. In family counseling, generally fathers are assumed to give the ‘stability’to the children and mothers give the ‘empathy’to them.


When the parents do not provide the emotional support, the children begin to wander. There is a saying that the guests only see the front yard while the children see the back yard. What influences the children is not what the parents say, but what they do. The lack of stability in the father will hinder the good relationship among the family members.


So, my first question for the parents is: Are you healed of the hurt feelings of your past? I want the parents to be honest, emotionally.



Today’s passage of 2 Samuel, chapter 13, shows one of the worst possible scenarios.


“In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.”


As we all know that the chapter 12 tells about the affair of David and Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, we have a premonition of a tragedy to come.


The tragedy unfolds like this. ‘In the course of time’ Amnon the oldest son began to see his half sister Tamar not as a sister but as an object of his desire, and languished in lovesickness. His cousin Jonadab devised a scheme. Amnon lay ill and when the king came to see him, he requested to be cared for by Tamar. He then forced himself on Tamar with violence. Afterwards his love for her changed into a hatred of her.


2 Samuel 13:14-15  But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her.


After she was raped and kicked out, Tamar went away weeping and lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.


2 Samuel 13:19  Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.


In this situation, what puzzles us the most is the attitude of King David. He heard about this horrible incident of incest between brother and sister, but he did not discipline or punish Amnon, he was just furious.


When King David heard all this, he was furious, but didn’t say anything to his favored oldest son. (2 Samuel 13:21)  


Perhaps David was reminded of his disgraceful affair with Bathsheba, so he might have reproached himself: Like father, like son. But he missed the most important moment to do a father’s duty. Fathers and mothers should be awake to listen for the voice of God. Here David did not discipline his son who deserved it, but was just furious by himself.


Let us look at what the Bible says about this kind of situation.


Hebrews 12:8  “If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.”


Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”


Then, there is this somewhat opposing statement for fathers in the Bible.


Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”


Here the embittering means ‘to arouse bitter feelings in’ the other side. The parents should not arouse bitter feelings in their children. Some parents misinterpret this and spoil their children by not saying anything.


Therefore, the discipline by the parents should always have two things; ‘clearness’ and ‘timing’.


Now,after David lost the important opportunity for discipline, another person steps up for that role. That person is Tamar’s brother Absalom and he is trying to do the job of their father. A discipline is effective when it comes from the higher authority, but in this case it is coming from the person below you, so it is not effective at all, and it turns into revenge. 


When a discipline is needed, who administers the discipline is more important. By disciplining their own children, the parents can prevent them from getting disciplined by others. Before the children go out to the world, they should be taught the right or wrong by the parents.


Adverbs 22:6  “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

Deuteronomy 6:5  “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”


This is the most important duty for any parent. So, my second question for the parents is: Are you teaching your children the right and wrong every time and discipline them accordingly? Or are you missing the best opportunity to teach God’s commandments?



After two years of sharpening his sword for revenge, Absalom raised it. When the sheep-shearing day came, he invited all the king’s sons to his home. The desolate house became a banquet hall for a sham celebration, and it was later drenched with Amnon’s blood. And Absalom fled to Geshur to escape the wrath of the king.


David mourned for Amnon every day, but as time went by he was consoled of his grief and began to long for Absalom. He might have felt sorry for him.


General Joab knew the king’s longing and worked a plan to bring Absalom back. After 3 years of exile, he was allowed to return. What a long time of absence for both the father and son! But the anticipated meeting and embracing didn’t happen. Unexpectedly the king refused to let Absalom see his face.


2 Samuel 14:24  But the king said, “He must go to his own house; he must not see my face.” So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king.


There are many theories about why the king refused to see Absalom, but no definite answer. I found this explanation very interesting; “David gave pardon to Absalom for political reason, but he couldn’t pardon him as the father.”


This contradiction exists in all of us and maybe in David as well. David gave Absalom amnesty so that he could come back, but began to hate him again. Maybe he also began to grieve for Amnon again. It is never easy to be a father or mother. We can imagine, though, what would have happened if David welcomed Absalom and embraced him.


In his book “If Only” with the subtitle of ‘How to turn regret into opportunity’, Prof. Neal Roese of Illinois Univ. Dept of Counseling claims that he is a glorifier of regrets, and that regrets are useful for finding yourself and helpful for turning your life around. He says that only mature person will have regrets.


If we don’t deal with the situation on an emotional level, but stop for a moment with “If Only” reflection like a father should and to hear God’s delicate voice, then the outcome will be completely different.


David had regrets, but lacked this reflection. Satan works very hard to manipulate people with his ‘distortion of feelings’. Sometimes we do things which we regret greatly later on the whims of the moment. Just like a cattleman controls his herd with a whip or prod, Satan controls us with the distorted feelings.


David made many big mistakes in his life, and refusing to see Absalom is one of them. He had been forgiven by God for his many mistakes, but he couldn’t forgive his son.

Absalom craved for his father’s forgiveness and warm embrace. After he was refused, his disappointment might have changed into stubborn competitiveness. And this led him to become later the leader of coup d’etat against his father, the king.


The Bible warns us about this ‘hurt feelings’.


Ephesians 4:26-27  “In your anger do not sin.” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.


Now the third question I want to ask the parents is: Are you capable of controlling your own emotions? Are there any ‘distorted feelings’ toward your children? Why couldn’t get rid of those feelings so far?



No matter how carefully we study about King David, we cannot find all the answers. He could have lived a violent, cruel and depraved life, while King Saul was quite moral, an exemplary son and excellent general. But Saul was cast aside by God and his people, and has disappeared from history, while David is one of the most admired and prominently talked about person even now.


What is the reason for this? The Bible shows us the reason. David never stopped calling for God and always hungered for God’s fatherly presence in his life. He had many faults like his ambitions, misguided marriages, an incompetent father, and broken relationship with children because of his distorted feelings. And we can easily imagine David desperately calling for God.


Despite of all these faults, God testified concerning David this way. “I have found David a man after my heart; he will do everything I want him to do.” (Acts 13:22b)


Here is David’s confession, Psalms 51:11 “Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.”


Let us sing this hymn “Lord, give me a pure heart”.





Please share the following topics at the cell group meetings.


1) Have you ever contemplated about your own self-image being scrutinized by others?


2) Have you been surprised by how much of yourself is reflected upon your children?


3) When did you realize that God’s words are the only way for reconciling the family relationships?


총 게시물 616건, 최근 0 건
번호 설교일              제목 본문말씀 설교자
136 2014.10.26.  Keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain 1 Chronicles 4:9~10 Rev. Jang
135 2014.10.26.  야베스의 기도(4) - "환난을 벗어나 근심이 없게 하소서" 역대상 4:9~10 장찬영 목사
134 2014.10.19.  Which is the Most Important of All the Commandments? Mark 12:28-31 Rev. Choi
133 2014.10.19.  첫째가 무엇이니이까? 마가복음 12:28~31 최부수 목사
132 2014.10.12.  Let Your Hand Be With Me 1 Chronicles 4:9~10 Rev. Jang
131 2014.10.12.  야베스의 기도(3) - "주의 손으로 나를 도우사" 역대상 4:9~10 장찬영 목사
130 2014.10.05.  Enlarge My Territory! 1 Chronicles 4:9~10 Rev. Jang
129 2014.10.05.  야베스의 기도(2) - "나의 지경을 넓히시고" 역대상 4:9~10 장찬영 목사
128 2014.09.28.  Praying for Abundant Blessings from God 1 Chronicles 4:9~10 Rev. Jang
127 2014.09.28.  야베스의 기도(1) -"복에 복을 더하사" 역대상 4:9~10 장찬영 목사
126 2014.09.21.  Kingdom of Heaven and the Fishnet Matthew 13:47~50 Rev. Jang
125 2014.09.21.  천국비유 시리즈(6) - ‘천국과 그물’ 마태복음 13:47~50 장찬영 목사
124 2014.09.14.  Kingdom of Heaven and the Great Pearl Matthew 13:45-46 Rev. Jang
123 2014.09.14.  천국비유 시리즈(5) - ‘천국과 값진 진주 하나’ 마태복음 13:45~46 장찬영 목사
122 2014.09.07.  The Kingdom of Heaven and the Hidden Treasure Matthew 13:44 Rev. Jang
처음  이전  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  다음  맨끝

제목 : Our worship should be lifted up
설교일 : 2019.12.08
본문말씀 : Malachi 1:6-14
설교자 : Rev. Eungyong Kim



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